Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
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