Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
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