so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
