apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Randomize
