so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
We left an ass print on the piano.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Randomize
