I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
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