So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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