I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Randomize
