Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Randomize
