Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
