I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
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