seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
