Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize