bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I hate all girls vehemently.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
