In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
