I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
