The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize