what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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