i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Randomize
