I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Randomize
