hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
And then he peed in my hair
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize