After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
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