he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Randomize
