dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
where are my eyebrows?
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize