Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
you had me at cake vodka
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Randomize
