Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
