dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
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