your parents love me but you hate me
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
