I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Randomize
