I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
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