I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Randomize
