she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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