My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
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