Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
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