Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Alive.
So much puke
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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