I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize
