i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
