Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
