my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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