I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
