what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
