Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
