My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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