I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Randomize
