you guys were way drunker than both of me
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
