i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
There r osticjed everywhere
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
