if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
