dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
