Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
