scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
