how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
