Only a mothe r could love this liver
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Watching her eat just hurts me
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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