I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize