he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Randomize
