come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
