The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
