My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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