Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
