for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
