Taylor Swift is so right about you.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Randomize
