just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
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