we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Randomize
