i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Randomize