Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
