I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
