I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
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