i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize