This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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