Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Randomize
