she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize