I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
