you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
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