It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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