I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
