It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
