it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
