she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
