I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I can't turn off my feet"
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
