I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Randomize
