I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Randomize
