We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
