I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize