I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Randomize
