I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I think we might need a safe word for this...
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
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