Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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