Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
