After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
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