You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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