Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize