Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
