I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
