I think my vagina is haunted
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
