ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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