I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
