Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize