heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
It's rum buckets o'clock
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
