Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Randomize
