I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
