Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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