Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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