Screwed.edu
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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