paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
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