All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
