Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
