my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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