What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
