Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
