took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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