Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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