i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
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